I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
