her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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