I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
