3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
