He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
