my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
