tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
