In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
