matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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