i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
