Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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