You work out of a Hotel?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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