you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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