I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
