Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
