She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize