I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
