Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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