dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had to cum in my sink.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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