I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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