this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
