i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
did i just pee glitter
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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