If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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