One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
