Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
