I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize