I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
