maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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