i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Randomize
