a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
