It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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