you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
