Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
