It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
