i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
