She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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