i just wanna soil my oats bro
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
