apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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