that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
