i already hear my dad disowning me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
