you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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