to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
