well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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