...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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