So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
