His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
