what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is wine microwaveable?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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