i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
