it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
