Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
