I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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