He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
