I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
