I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize