If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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