It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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