i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
