i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
