i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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