Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
