Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize