it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
