Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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