Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
