You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
