Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
