3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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