dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
