do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
