if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize